


Terrible Teen Paranormal Romance

by RoSH (RoSH95)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awful Teen Paranormal Romance, F/M, and yet strangely beautiful, mad lib, wow this is awful, yeah fuck it this story is PURE GOLD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 17:25:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3217436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoSH95/pseuds/RoSH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this when a friend sent me to an Awful Teen Paranormal Romance mad lib website. While this story is different from the original story that was created. Its pure gold nonetheless. Just read and see for yourself ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. DaveJade

**Author's Note:**

> The website I used to create this is (http://www.springhole.net/humor/awfulteenparanormalromance.htm)
> 
> Go make one of your own! I promise, its hilarious.
> 
> E N J O Y ! (and die laughing)

Jade knew Dave was different from the other boys at school.

She noticed it the very first time she laid eyes on him - there was something about the way he expertly spun his turntables when he walked down the hallways. Also, he seemed to have an unusual knowledge about slam poetry. And just last Tuesday after art, she saw him making innuendos with a completely straight face.

There was something else she knew: she was in love with him. But she didn't know how to win his affections, for he was always cold and distant.

One night, Jade was reading a new webcomic on MSPA about paranormal creatures when she realized the truth: Dave was a coolkid!

The next day after class, Jade saw Dave head off into the cemetary. ''It's now or never,'' she told herself with resignation, and skipped after him.

When she caught up to him, he was standing behind an angel tomb.

''Dave, it's me, Jade. I... I have to tell you something... I love you!''

He sighed deeply and stepped toward her. ''Oh, Jade, there are things you don't understand about me.''

''I know more than you think,'' she breathed. ''I know that you're a coolkid.''

''It's more complicated than that,'' he said, staring into her grass green eyes. ''Love between your kind and mine is forbidden. They would destroy us both if they knew.''

''I don't care,'' Jade said. ''I could never live without you.''

''Really?''

''Truly,'' she answered.

He reached up and gently caressed her ass in his pale hands. ''I love you, too,'' he whispered.

And then he kissed her. His kisses were like cinnamen-scented ass cheeks upon her lips.

The days and weeks that followed were distorted. They surfed the skies, roller skated in the park, and fucked each other sensless. It seemed that nothing could come between them.

One night while playing monopoly (how is he so good at this game?!), a SCREEEEEEEEECH was heard from outside the darkroom window. ''They've found us,'' Dave whispered solemnly.

Jade sighed. ''At least we've had this short time together.''

''I won't let them take you from me,'' he promised.

As soon as he spoke, the enemy's leader burst through the door. ''Stand aside!'' the leader ordered Dave.

''Never! She is my true love, and you will not take her from me!'' Dave stood defiantly between Jade and the leader.

''Then you will both die!''

The leader lunged forward, but Dave stood his ground. With a no sound, he met the leader head-on. In a swift move, Dave ripped off the leader's cock and kicked him in the face. Mortally wounded, the leader gasped and died.

Seeing their mighty leader fall to Dave's strength, his underlings panicked and ran away, disappearing into the night.

''That was amazing,'' Jade breathed.

Dave leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers, his cinnamen-scented breath caressing her cheek. ''Your love for me gave me the strength I needed. Now, everything is perfect.''

''Almost perfect...''

''Almost?''

''Everything would be perfect if you made me like you. I know you can do it.''

''Are you sure? If I did this, you'd never be able to play with your dog again.''

''I'm sure,'' she breathed.

Dave caressed Jade's face, allowing his very essence to flow into her body. She sighed, then moaned.

Soon, the transformation was complete. Jade was now an aviator clad coolkid, just like Dave. Everything truly was perfect.


	2. Gamkar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. This happened. I'm not sure whether it was a good decision or not...
> 
> Anyways, here's my Terrible Teen Paranormal Romance chapter for gamkar, dedicated to my dear friend Toastyquinn, who is the one who suggested I write it.
> 
> E N J O Y !

Karkat knew Gamzee was different from the other boys at school.

She noticed it the very first time she laid eyes on him - there was something about the way he lazily strutted his fucking self when he walked. Also, he seemed to have an unusual knowledge about alternian slam poetry. And just last Tuesday after art, she saw him punch a fucking hole through a motherfucking solid rock wall.

There was something else she knew: she was in love with him. But she didn't know how to win his affections, for he was always cold and distant.

One night, Karkat was reading a fucking stupid book about paranormal creatures when she realized the truth: Gamzee was a juggalo asshole!

The next day after class, Karkat saw Gamzee head off into the jungle. ''It's now or never,'' she told herself with resignation, and stormed after him.

When she caught up to him, he was standing behind a big ass motherfucking tree.

''Gamzee, it's me, Karkat. I... I have to tell you something... I love you!''

He sighed deeply and took a slow step toward her. ''Oh, Karkat, there are things you don't understand about me.''

''I know more than you think,'' she breathed. ''I know that you're a juggalo asshole.''

''It's more complicated than that,'' he said, staring into her blood red eyes. ''Love between your kind and mine is forbidden. They would destroy us both if they knew.''

''I don't care,'' Karkat said. ''I could never live without you.''

''Really?''

''Truly,'' she answered.

He reached up and gently caressed her face in his greasy hands. ''I love you, too,'' he whispered.

And then he kissed her. His kisses were like sopor slime-scented fucking snuggle planes upon her lips.

The days and weeks that followed were hazey. They talked about nothing and everything, played all the video games, and watched a million romcoms. It seemed that nothing could come between them.

One night while feelings jamming, a ASSBLISTERING FUCKNUGGETS was heard from outside the rumpus block window. ''They've found us,'' Gamzee whispered solemnly.

Karkat sighed. ''At least we've had this short time together.''

''I won't let them take you from me,'' he promised.

As soon as he spoke, the enemy's leader burst through the door. ''Stand aside!'' the leader ordered Gamzee.

''Never! She is my true love, and you will not take her from me!'' Gamzee stood defiantly between Karkat and the leader.

''Then you will both die!''

The leader lunged forward, but Gamzee stood his ground. With a MOTHERFUCKER, he met the leader head-on. In a swift move, Gamzee ripped off the leader's fucking head and kicked him in the gut. Mortally wounded, the leader gasped and died.

Seeing their mighty leader fall to Gamzee's strength, his underlings panicked and ran away, disappearing into the night.

''That was amazing,'' Karkat breathed.

Gamzee leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers, his sopor slime-scented breath caressing her cheek. ''Your love for me gave me the strength I needed. Now, everything is perfect.''

''Almost perfect...''

''Almost?''

''Everything would be perfect if you made me like you. I know you can do it.''

''Are you sure? If I did this, you'd never be able to strife with your lusus again.''

''I'm sure,'' she breathed.

Gamzee licked Karkat's motherfucking cheek, allowing his very essence to flow into her body. She sighed, then whimpered like a gogdamn grub.

Soon, the transformation was complete. Karkat was now motherfucking juggalo asshole, just like Gamzee. Everything truly was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Like it? A reminder that you are free to give any pairings you would like to see me do! And if you have any other specifications for the story (the supernatural creature they are/things they do/etc) feel free to leave suggestions for those too!

**Author's Note:**

> Are you dead of laughter yet? If not, you must have no sense of humor and should GET OUT. 
> 
> Hope you liked it! Feel free to leave comments, but try not to make corrections about grammar (or anything really). Please remember that this was created from a MAD LIB. Grammar doesn't exist in mad libs.
> 
> Also, feel free to leave pairing suggestions and maybe I'll write one for that pairing as well ;))


End file.
